My friends and acquaintances always tell me this but I feel it’s rarely genuine. Why? Well because there are a million other ways to say this.
· I’m getting dinner tonight, care to join?
· Hey! Sorry for the random call, I just wanted to see what you were doing
· What are you doing next weekend? I want to see you
The list is endless and all of these statements are far superior to, “we should hang out more”. That statement in itself is non-committal. It may sound like a genuine question, but really what it suggests is that you really don’t want to hang out but you’re just saying it to be polite. Although that may not be your objective when you say something similar – the simple fact is that it is open ended and vague.
It also puts the blame and pressure on the other person. You are putting yourself in a position where you’re perceived as the genuine friend who is putting forth an effort. Meanwhile, the receiver is left to fulfill your request; whether that’s thinking of a fun activity, scheduling it, and finally hoping it fulfills the other person’s desire to hang out with you more.
Statements like “we should hang out more” are what I categorize as non statements. As the name suggests, a non statement is a non committal commitment to someone or something. People that struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out) are typically the type of people that use non statements like this, however this statement is used outside of these types of situations all the time. Non Statements are actually a pervasive issue within our culture here in America. Here are a few more to prove the point. Are you like me in that you have said any of the following?
· I should have been promoted
· Our country is worse than ever
· Why is everyone so stupid?
· This is unfair – life is unfair
So What’s My Point?
Notice anything about these statements that’s similar to, “we should hang out more?”
Every one of them takes a baseless position. When you say we should hang out more, you’re ignoring your personal investment and responsibility to the situation. People who “should be” promoted are promoted – therefore you are responsible for not being promoted. The US is actually better than ever if you look at all relevant statistical categories – maybe your opinions are ruining the truth for you. Or perhaps you’re focussing too much on the negatives that still remain. Everyone can’t be stupid or society would crumble – maybe your statement is the only stupid thing. Life is unfair? Duh! You come out the womb through no choice of your own, born into an environment you have no control over. Your first moments are tears and pain. So when you say life isn’t fair, are you forgetting the reality that it never was?
So many issues can be born out of this non-committal attitude that we have accepted and branded as “our truth”. Despite our best efforts, the truth of life continues to resound like a clanging gong. Our effort and impact is all we can control and is therefore all that matters. So don’t desire to hang out more, set a date. Don’t wait for a promotion, create your own. And above all, don’t wait for the world to change for you. Because it’s changing with or without you at every moment.