Deepest Fear
It’s not fun thinking about your fears. Doing so immediately brings up feelings of anxiety, worry, and even regret. Yet it is one of the aspects of ourselves that we should be thinking about daily. If you’re not thinking about what you fear, then you are avoiding them and if you’re not careful, fear can control who you are.
I can’t tell you how many times I have let my fears dictate my behavior, mood, and actions. Of course I don’t want my fears to dictate who I am and what I do, however if I avoid pondering them or facing them, then that’s exactly what happens. No matter what I do, whether I ignore, succumb, or face my fears, the outcome will always be the same. Fear will always find a way into my life. Helen Keller put it this way, “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”
So the answer is simple then, be bold. Dare to face your fears. Easier said than done but when you realize that fear is an inevitability you also recognize the futility of avoiding it. Instead, fear is a part of who we are, a part of ourselves we must question in order to gain a better understanding of ourselves. To that end we must first understand the fundamental principles of fear.
What is fear? It may seem like a simple question, yet in life I have learned that the simple answers often mask misunderstanding. We like to simplify complex things to make them more manageable however this tactic ultimately causes more harm than good. Defining fear is no different. The general definition of fear is; an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Although this seems to cover the basic principle of fear, I can think of many instances where I was afraid of something that presented no danger to me. So danger, although an important quality of fear, isn’t fear’s only quality.
For the sake of brevity, I’d like to establish a working definition of fear. Fear is the unique space we all hold between what’s happening around us and how we respond to it. Meaning what may strike fear for me may not strike fear for another person. However, there are still things in life that cause most everybody to fear. I hear this all the time as a comic. Most people that have spoke to me about comedy claim they would never be able to go up on a stage and tell jokes to strangers. Even I, after years of doing exactly that, am greeting with nerves just before I grab the mic.
Although fear changes from person to person, though some fears appear to be universal, the definition still stands. Between each of us and our environments is the space where fear lives. Dressed as uncertainty, discomfort, worry, and anxiety, fear can take on many forms but it’s objective remains the same. Keep us right where we are.
Fear is counter-intuitive. Designed to keep us safe from harm it has now become something that holds us back. But why would we let anything hold us back? Because it’s easier.
My deepest fear isn’t that I won’t succeed. It’s that I will. What if my wildest dreams come true? The things I work so hard for come to fruition, what then? No longer will I be able to hide my inadequacies. They will be visible to the world, leaving me no choice but to accept them and push forward regardless. As much as we loath our fears, I believe we secretly cling to them. We’ll take fear over failure. Some of us go our whole life blanketed by fear where we’re safe. Then the day comes where that space fear once resided now has a new resident, regret.
As complex as the cause of fear is to understand, its effect is quite simple. Fear distances us from life. That is if we let it. Understanding our fears may take a lifetime but conquering them, takes only a brief moment of courage. One moment of bravery can change our outlook on reality. Suddenly the power rests in our hands, not in the void of fear. We recognize that fear is nothing without us, that we always have the potential to overcome.
In the end, pondering and defining what fear is brings us back to the same place we started. It’s the same place we would be in without understanding what fear is. Life is in front of us, fear the chasm between, and what we are left with is a choice; live in fear or live with fear. It’s not a question of removing fear, for that space between us and the rest of life will always exist. Instead the question becomes, what do we do about it?
Great resources on fear which continue to help me understand its nature and conquer my own.
The Biology of Fear, Viewpoints: Approaches to defining and investigating fear, On Fear
